Confessions of a Knife

I think my old chef's knife misses me.  After this story, you may just agree.  But first a little background pertaining to the blade in question.  I used to run Deerpath Inn's kitchen (about 7 years ago?) for an adulterous chef that I'll call Johnny Tomahawk.  He was never there (mentally or physically) and I was responsible for the menu and training of the staff, one of whom was excelling quite well considering that he'd had no prior training in the kitchen.  Good kid for the most part, except he couldn't see past the money. 

I bought the guy a Henckel chef's knife, all together heavy & solid, a general tank of a blade.  It held an edge and the point never seemed to tip out.  It cost a little over $75.  The cook finally couldn't deal with the station and walked out on a Saturday night about 2 weeks after I gifted him the knife.  He left it in the kitchen and I'm pretty sure he left to persue janitorial work at the local hospital for a few bucks more a hour.  Fucking waste.

Anyways, she came back.  The knife I mean.  Been in my kit through some killer kitchens, and personally helped end the life of thousands of lobsters.  I've referred to her as the "Lobster Killer" for a few years now.  The tip never bends out.  I think people think I'm lying when I talk about how many crustaceans I've personally sent to crustacean heaven.  I'm not.  Stone cold.  What are they anyway, but giant sea bugs?  Giant, delicious, buttery sea bugs.

Rudolph the Red Nosed Lobster



The strange thing is, I never considered the knife mine.  I'd bought it for another cook and gifted it away.  He left it to Fate, and I picked it up, never meaning to add it to my kit.  So when a promising intern was talking about buying a new knife, I gave it to him.

Well, yesterday the new kid on the line gets the shock treatment from our boss.  He gets a case of the nerves and after service, dropped the knife by accident.  It pierced his boot tip first and stabbed his foot.  He ended up getting 3 stitches.

I sanitized the knife and he isn't back yet.  Lil Lobster Killer is back in my kit, at least temporarily.  I think she missed me. 

Culinary Musings, Kitchen Knives

I love a good sharp knife.  Hopefully I don't sound too psychotic here, but knives are a big part of what I do.  Just ask any of my friends at Northwest Cutlery off of Lake in Chi-town.  http://www.nwcutlery.com/  They'll tell you the extent of my obsession, although they only see a slice of it (pun intended).

I'm a big fan of Globals.  Japanese craftsmanship, western design influences.  And while they can be pricey, they still don't get anywhere near as expensive as some of the other professional brands.  In other words, I won't usually go into psycho chef rage if one goes missing or damaged.  Their home site is http://www.global-knife.com/.  I've bought the same 30 cm. chef's knife from them four times (don't ask why, it still hurts inside).  Usually runs about $135 or so after professional discounts.

Messermeister bought out Suncraft knives and these have been awesome to have the last few years.  The bamboo handled "Mu" knife kicks ass, and their paring knife is the best I've ever owned.  Hands down.  http://www.messermeister.com/Mu-Knife-Bamboo/

Mac knives deserve a mention as being cheap and lightweight, but I find they dent and rust easily.  So if someone borrows one, beware.

Forschners seem to come with any culinary school kit.  They don't keep their edge long, but sharpen easily and are the cheapest, useful knives I currently know of.  They're awesome boning knives have usually been a well respected part of my kit.

Wustoffs and Henckels are great for having a knife to bash around a bit.  Their chef knives are great lobster killers since they don't tip out easily.

I do not like Shun Knives.  Expensive, with shitty handles.  Feels like I'm holding an egg instead of a knife.  Whatever they claim, they are not ergonomic.  Once you get as expensive as Shun, or worse, you better be prepared for theft, denting, and any matter of kitchen hijinks that could cause you to have a heart attack.  Buyer beware.

I used to work for a butcher in Arizona at the resort.  He was old school, worked two jobs up until he retired, and did all the butchery for the property in three days of the week.  He was fast.  He also showed me how to take care of my knives, and sold me a pair after he showed me how to use the whetstone.  Every morning he sharpened his knives on the tristone and he never used a kitchen knife to open boxes or plastic.  For that he used a box cutter. 

"No sense dulling your blade on anything but meat."

-Butch

As for using a whetstone, the trick is getting your wrist to align at the proper angle. 18 to 20 degrees for a European style knife, and slightly sharper an angle for the eastern designed.  If you use a stone, remember that once you use oil on it, you always have to continue using oil.  If you start with water instead, no worries.  That's what I do so I don't have to carry around mineral oil.  If you know me, I can demo and sharpen your knives if you can catch me.  It's fun and fast.

Remember, if you do hurt yourself, a clean sharp knife will always leave an easier healing wound.  When a knife is dull, you're adding blunt trauma to the laceration.  So you're going to bruise and heal slower.  That sucks.

That's it for now.  I'm sure I'll post some more knife related stories in the future.

Arizona Stories, Sammy the Grill Cook

Sammy was awesome.  I first learned a busy grill station from him as an intern in Phoenix and he was quite the character.  He originally moved to Arizona from Texas after getting into some gang problems in Dallas.  He was shot a few times in the knee and ended up getting his right leg amputated.  You wouldn't know it except for his limp, and it wasn't the first thing he'd run up and tell you.  This led to some interesting stories... mainly because Sammy had a warped sense of humor.

He used to play box with the saute cook, Kenneth.  Kenny used to draw pictures of Sammy in permanent marker on the line, and repeatedly hit it with things while muttering, "Can you feel that?!  Can you feel that Sammy?"  I had to work the middle and set up plates for them during service when I first started, which honed my trash talk a lot better than my cooking skills for a brief period of time.

One day Sammy decided to play box with a newer cook, and the two of them were having a great time.  It was the beginning of our shift, and the newer cook hadn't buttoned his jacket up all the way yet.  Sammy grabbed a small Braun stick blender from a bain marie and started to "fence" with it.  It was still plugged in, and tore into the skin on the new cook's chest.  While it wasn't a deep cut, the new cook looked down with disbelief before he was rushed off to emergency care.  Neither were fired, but Chef J had an hour long reprimand waiting for them both about goofing off at work.

Now, in Phoenix, the bars close super early in comparison to Chicago, so it leads to more and more house parties & socialization after work.  At one party, Sammy had been drinking quite heavily, and was getting more and more angry at a rich girl that wouldn't stop talking about all of the skiing equipment she'd just bought and how great of a time she was going to have in Colorado when the snow fell.  She was sitting next to him on the couch, when he hopped up, threw off his leg, and stated drunkenly...

"I'll never hit the damned slopes again!"

He then proceeded to hop to the kitchen to pour another rum & coke.  His "friend" screamed and ran out of the party, proceeding to ditch her boyfriend taking the only car.  He was about to start a fight with Sammy until our friends broke them up, and some samaritan gave the unhappy man a ride home. 

I couldn't stop laughing.